Stay-at-home moms are often misunderstood. Some think they have it easy, that they have plenty of time in their day for “me” time. Some think that these moms are over-dramatizing how difficult their days really are. After school, you may see these moms talking with one another as their kids play on the playground. While you are thinking they must have so much extra time, they are thinking they don’t want to deal with kids that have too much energy when they get home and wow, isn’t it nice to talk to another adult. So, I asked a group of these moms what they really want you to know. You may be surprised at some of their answers.
1. Being a SAHM is their job…but it also isn’t: Confusing? Not really. Yes, it is work and it does take time and effort. There is no time-clock and no paid vacation, but there are very severe consequences if the job gets neglected. But being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean they are required to do everything all the time. The other parent still needs to parent as well, not just leave everything up to mom because she stays at home.
2. Yes, there are days where nothing gets accomplished: Before you exclaim “I knew it!” think about how much time you spend at work on Facebook, talking to your friends/coworkers, or staring off to space. The only difference is you have more than five seconds before a kid needs something.
3. They want to help you: They aren’t trying to be condescending, they understand you don’t want to miss moments in your child’s life and you can use some help with rides sometimes. They are willing to send you pictures of field trips or schedule a playdate so you have extra time until you need to pick your child up. And, in turn, they would love to have someone hold a weekend playdate so they could have some time to themselves!
4. They are lonely and need space all at the same time: They would love to have some more adult conversation and someone to help them drag fifty bags of stuff to the pool. These stay-at-home moms would also like a bit of space from kids that pull and sit on them all day long.
5. They don’t really like playing tea party or pushing swings: Especially for five hours in a row when they have a headache.
6. They miss feeling like a woman, not just a mom: They don’t get to put on great clothes and fancy heels everyday, their hairstyle is more functional than fashionable, and they don’t feel sexy with spit up on their clothes. And almost all the moms said that they think their husband often just sees them as mom now…it is what they do and it becomes who they are.
7. They feel extremely unappreciated: Most days what they do is expected, and the little extra things they do go unnoticed. And they may knock out the next person who asks what they do all day.
8. The day never ends….never: Their days are usually so perfectly organized and scheduled that there is just enough time for a meal or to throw the laundry in before it is time to go somewhere. Again.
9. They often forget who they are: A few stay-at-home moms even said they are worried about what they will do when their kids leave the nest. They are so busy focusing on everyone else they forget what it is that they would really like to do.
10. It is a choice and they would make the same one again: Even though some days they really envy that you get to go to work.
Vicki Little is a work-at-home mom with two young kids. A Colorado native, she is the Publisher and Editor of Macaroni Kid Aurora and Downtown Denver. When she isn’t writing or trying to keep up with her kids she can be found volunteering, reading, or enjoying a bottle of wine with friends.
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