Category: Family

The Kidconscious Project

Introducing: The Kidconscious Project

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The Mother List recently sat down with the founder of The Kidconscious Project, Sarah Kozlowski. We wanted to get the lowdown on the who, what and why behind this new Denver non-profit.

Here is Sarah’s story:

“I couldn’t be more thrilled to formally start this journey as the founder of The Kidconscious Project. Let me take a quick second to explain WHO we are, HOW we got here and what we TRULY believe in.

I’m a mom of three… which feels like a lot most days! In early 2018 our lives had become busier, more complex and competitive than ever. Our kids required extra tutoring and later nights of focus to succeed – leaving me to somehow become a full-time chauffeur, mathlete and short order cook… among many other things.

One night before bed, I stopped and asked my husband, “Do you ever stop and think, what’s the bigger picture here? Is this crazy pace of life really serving our children or us holistically if they can do Singapore math and speak multiple languages but can’t manage their emotions or handle conflict? What happened to learning actual LIFE skills… or stopping to take a look at the world through more conscious eyes? Are we really setting them up for TRUE success?” 

The short answer? An easy, “NOPE!”

So I brainstormed a way to grow kids from within using real life skills, community outreach and global perspectives. I knew I wanted to do this for kids YOUNGER than high school age so we could really make an impact early-on in the developmental spectrum. And with that, The Kidconscious Project was born for kids ages 6-12 and their parents!

We truly believe conscientious kids will one day rule the world, so we meet each month to learn the stuff in-between school and practice what should be a bigger headline in our daily routines. At KCP, we value hands-on engagement with our communities and larger world through fresh perspectives and open hearts. Kids will build on core skills, developing citizenship from the inside out, effectively helping others and creating a better sense of how they can help in the world.

How do we do this? It’s actually really simple. We talk about EMPATHY vs. mastery and OPTIMISM vs. fear, then we build on these emotions and put them to work. So far it’s been an incredible ride, but I can’t wait to grow and share more as the Spring series unfolds! Please find us on Facebook and Instagram, sign up for our enewsletter through our website, and share this with friends!”

Learn More About Upcoming Projects

25 Simple Acts Of Kindness That You Can Do As A Family

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By Vicki Little

Kindness and love are contagious. Even in the midst of a rough day, a kind gesture from someone can turn your whole day around. And usually, it leaves someone feeling so loved and happy that they, in turn, want to make someone else feel the same way. Misunderstandings can be avoided, friendships can be made or mended, and strangers can become friends when people just take a bit of time to step back and intentionally do something that will make other people feel good. What better lesson is there to teach our children than the lesson of being kind? Even better, the more you engage in these acts of kindness, the more they become a habit. Gather your family and spread a little kindness and cheer with these 25 simple acts of kindness.

  1. Paint kindness stones and leave them for others to find. This is very simple, just get some medium-sized rocks, paint them in neat colors and designs, add a positive note on them with permanent marker and then leave them at parks, grocery stores, schools, sidewalks, etc.
  2. Make sticky notes of positive affirmations and leave them on the bathroom stall door or mirror in a public place.
  3. Send dessert over to another family at a restaurant.
  4. Volunteer your time making crafts with kids at a children’s hospital or reading to small children in the library.
  5. Organize and run a BINGO night at a nursing home.
  6. Give your bus driver a cup of coffee or tea when your child gets on the bus in the morning.
  7. Send a care package to an elderly family member (or just a group care package with letters and treats to a nursing home).
  8. Tape coins to a parking meter….or better yet add some coins to one that has expired. You can also leave an extra dollar in a vending machine for the next person who comes along.
  9. Leave a positive Yelp review or talk to the manager about a server or employee who did a great job.
  10. Spend a family afternoon volunteering at a women’s or homeless shelter.
  11. Shovel a neighbor’s walkway, bring their trash bins back up to their garage door, mow their lawn, or walk their dog for them.
  12. Send a hand-written letter to your favorite teacher letting him or her know how much they mean to your family. Include a gift card to a spa or restaurant for a little treat to say thanks.
  13. Be extra kind in traffic – and let your children know that you have done it. Instead of grumbling, allow the car to merge ahead of you with a smile and a wave, resist the urge to honk if they aren’t going right when the light turns green and comment that their hesitation may have prevented a car accident, or simply smile at people in the car next to you while you are waiting at a light.
  14. Bring towels and food to your local animal shelter. Check to see if they have volunteer opportunities available to walk or play with the animals or help clean the cages.
  15. Give a note of gratitude and possibly a little gift card treat to someone you wouldn’t normally think of. There are many people who do so much for us, but are often in the background, such as the custodian of your school or church, the delivery drivers who take care not to let your packages get wet, a security guard at your grocery store, the lifeguard at the pool, or the front office of the school.
  16. Take extra sidewalk chalk, kites, or bubbles to the park and share them with new friends.
  17.  Let someone go ahead of you in the checkout lane – especially if they have fewer items, young children, are elderly or injured, or pregnant.
  18. On Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter, take a special treat to your local hospital, fire station, or police station to say thanks for working on the holiday.
  19. Bring flowers to someone you see all the time but who would least expect the gesture. Many people brighten our days without us realizing it, such as the clerk whose line we always go to, the bank teller who gives us extra suckers, the receptionist at the doctor’s office who always asks how we have been, the butcher at the grocery store who knows exactly what we will order, or the person at the front office who remembered to ask if we are feeling better.
  20. Hand out water bottles or popsicles to construction workers who are fixing your local streets, the lawn-care professionals who keep the neighborhood mowed and looking nice, or the trash men who keep your containers from falling onto your driveway.
  21. Offer to babysit for free so a young couple can get a date night.
  22. Join a meal train for someone who is ill or just had a baby – even if you don’t know them. You can easily find them on your friends’ Facebook pages!
  23. Find a GoFundMe that your family would like to bless with an anonymous donation.
  24. Offer to drive a friend or neighbor to or from school so their parents can get some errands done or have extra time to themselves.
  25. Buy lunch for a friend! You can do this as a whole family or send extra money to school with your child so they can find a new friend and buy him or her lunch.

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

 

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Denver Volunteer Opportunities Sure To Make The Holidays A Bit Brighter

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By Vicki Little

While it is the season to be merry and bright for many people, unfortunately, there are plenty of others who could use extra cheer during the holidays. No matter what you can offer – your time, your talent or your treasure – there is always something you can do to brighten the holidays for others. Volunteering is an amazing way to teach children to help those who are less fortunate, and it is a great bonding experience for the family as well. Take a look at our list of various opportunities in Denver to see if one may be just what you are looking for.

AMP THE CAUSE-HOLIDAYS FOR KIDS

Amp the Cause throws multiple Holidays For Kids parties each December to bring joy to more than 1,800 children from Title 1 schools. These students enjoy an “amped up” holiday party with face painters, balloon artists, crafts, food, and even a special visit from Santa – who doesn’t arrive empty handed! Volunteer to help before or during a party – or donate to the cause!

 

DENVER CATHOLIC WORKERS SOUP KITCHEN

This soup kitchen is busy year-round serving healthy and warm meals to those in need. During the holiday season, the number of meals served increases significantly, and this is a wonderful way for your family to spend time volunteering. To set up a time to volunteer, e-mail: suelane1@comcast.net

The Denver Catholic Worker Soup Kitchen is run completely by volunteers and sustained by the generosity of local organizations and the public. They operate on a budget of less than $50,000 per year. Donations are always appreciated. Please donate through their site or send a check to:

Denver Catholic Worker Soup Kitchen, Inc.
c/o Mary Romine
P.O. Box 27255
Denver, Colorado 80227

 

JEWISH FAMILY SERVICE OF COLORADO-BRIGHT HOLIDAYS

Jewish Family Services gives assistance to seniors, provides mental-health counseling, offers training and job placement to those struggling to find employment, and provides food and financial aid to people in crises, regardless of age, race, religion or income. This holiday season, they are looking for people to provide Christmas or Hanukkah gifts!

There are other ongoing volunteer opportunities, such as senior support, refugee assistance, support for those with disabilities, and food-pantry assistance.

Contact Nancy Benyamin at 720-248-4642 for further information and to sign up to volunteer.

 

SOLDIERS’ ANGELS-MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES

Adopt-A-Family: Soldiers’ Angels aim is to help military and veteran families who are financially strained to enjoy a great holiday season by gifting them with presents and a grocery gift card for their holiday dinners. You can adopt a family on your own or with a group, or you can donate directly to their GoFundMe page.

Warm Feet for Warriors: Soldiers’ Angels collect socks to donate to veterans and service members. You can start your own sock drive or simply donate directly. They collect socks all year round for care packages and veteran’s hospitals, but the specific event happens from February to April.

Valentine’s For Veterans: Spread the love this Valentine’s Day by sending cards to deployed troops overseas and VA hospitals. Mail your cards and $1 per card (to help cover the cost of packing and mailing boxes) to:

Soldiers’ Angels
2700 NE Loop 410, Suite 310
San Antonio, Texas 78217
 

There are multiple other opportunities to volunteer with Soldiers’ Angels, such as visiting military patients in the hospital and helping with veteran luncheons. Check here for more opportunities.

 

VOLUNTEERS OF AMERICA-MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES

Volunteers of America is a national, nonprofit, faith-based organization that is focused on helping at-risk youth, low-income families, those who are homeless, and women and children who are escaping domestic violence. There are multiple year-round volunteer opportunities, and plenty of special holiday events at which to volunteer as well.

Christmas Turkey Dinner distribution: Distribute baskets containing a full turkey dinner with sides to families in need in the community.

December 17-18, 2018

Contact Bradley Gulley, Director of Volunteer Services, to find out other ways to help or fill in, if needed: bgulley@voacolorado.org

Adopt-A-Family: You can give a family in need a Christmas they otherwise wouldn’t get to enjoy! There are plenty of families to choose from, and if you don’t find one who fits your needs, there are also options to sign up for specific items to donate.  Sign up here.

Snow Buddies: Help to keep local elderly safe by shoveling their walkways and sidewalks as needed this winter. Click here for more information and to sign up.

 

ADDITIONAL ONGOING OPPORTUNITIES:

Reach out to your local church. Many churches offer “Christmas Stores” to help local families in need purchase gifts at significantly discounted rates. Some churches also hold food banks for local families who need extra help with groceries on a monthly basis. Both of these services require multiple volunteers to succeed.

A Precious Child has multiple volunteer opportunities, ranging from processing incoming donations and working for the store, where families shop free of charge, to helping at events, as well as clerical opportunities.

The American Cancer Society needs volunteers to drive cancer patients to their treatments, help at events, help raise funds, and do clerical work. Survivors are needed to share stories of comfort and success and mentor those who are just beginning their journey.

Bessie’s Hope is always looking for volunteers to brighten the days of elders in the community who have little or no visitation from family or friends.

Clothes to Kids of Denver has multiple volunteer needs in its primarily volunteer-run boutique.

Sacred Heart House of Denver needs volunteers to support residents, offer childcare, fix meals for residents, and assist on special projects.

Shiloh House is looking for volunteers to mentor youth and teach life skills to young adults who have been affected by abuse or trauma, volunteer at holiday and celebration events, help young adults learn to live on their own, and more.

Spark the Change has a calendar full of volunteer opportunities in which to participate, ranging from helping at special events to reading to small children, to stocking food pantries.

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

 

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How To Raise Kids Who Love Their Bodies

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By Whitney Blakeslee

As parents, we are trying to raise healthy kids, but sometimes we need a reminder that health is about so much more than what we see with our eyes. When it comes to how children feel about their bodies, the statistics are heartbreaking. They are learning to hate their bodies and trying to manipulate their size by dieting at increasingly younger ages. This negative body image often leads to a lifetime of dieting and a focus on appearance rather than learning new hobbies, trying sports, or feeling comfortable in their own skin. Parents should still teach children about the importance of nutritious food and exercise, but if we don’t choose our words carefully, we may put too much focus on their weight rather than their health. And this could lead to a negative self-image.

Here are some ways to teach children of all ages to have a positive body image while being physically healthy at the same time.

Be A Good Example.

“Do as I say, not as I do.” If only it were that easy! Kids and teens pay a lot more attention to what you do, wear, and say than you may realize. If your kids see that you are always starting new fad diets or you complain about being “fat,” or you pick yourself apart in the mirror, they begin to think these physical qualities determine our worth. Suddenly you have a pre-teen who is on a crash diet, which she learned about from you. If it is important for you to lose weight, please be careful how you talk about it (if at all). Saying you are trying to eat healthily is one thing, but never complain about your size or talk about food restriction. This creates a negative connotation that doesn’t help promote a positive body image with your kids. If they see you spending time playing your favorite sports, eating a variety of foods, and taking time for self-care, they will follow in your footsteps.

Promote Health, Not Weight Loss.

This idea is difficult for most adults to wrap their minds around, but health does not equal a size or “look.” Health is a state of being based on our daily habits, not a number on the scale. Do you eat a variety or vegetables? Drink plenty of water? Get enough quality sleep every night? Are you surrounded by a strong community? How do you manage stress? You can’t judge a book by its cover. Encourage these healthy habits, but also talk about happiness and mental health as a part of the equation because our mental health has a surprisingly big effect on our overall health! Don’t stress about their weight or size, and never mention changing their bodies. Instead, cook more meals at home, take family walks, let everyone discover movements they enjoy. Make sure everyone understands how important it is to take care of both body and mind.

Compliment Them On Their Personality, Determination, Or Achievements.

It is common in our culture to notice someone’s appearance, but if all we do is compliment how our kids look, they will view appearance as everything. Once you become aware of your word choices and of those around you, you will be shocked at how often we discuss subjects related to appearance. Rather than just noticing whether a child looks “pretty,” we can shift our focus to their intellect, humor, great hugs, or kindness. This promotes traits that they can actually control and nurture. It shows them that they are worthy of love and respect – regardless of appearance. Imagine what the next generation could accomplish if they didn’t spend so much time worrying about their looks!

 

If you would like resources to learn more about how to discuss body image with your child, here are a few of my favorites:

The Dove Self-Esteem Project

A Mighty Girl– Features suggestions for kids of all ages about health and wellness.

The National Eating Disorder Helpline

 

Whitney is a personal trainer and health coach in Denver where she spends her days gardening, collecting sticks and pinecones with her toddler, and soaking up as much sunshine as possible. She loves empowering women of all abilities to find their personal strength as women and mothers by lifting heavy things. 

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7 Ways You Can Increase Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

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By Vicki Little

We all want the best for our children. We want them to do well in school, make wonderful friends, grow into responsible adults and have happy lives. If only we could script their lives to work out exactly as we hope. Unfortunately, we can’t. So the only thing we can do is help them learn to navigate the ups and downs they will face. One of the best ways to do this is to help them develop their Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (EI), a term created by researchers Peter Salavoy and Joyn Mayer, is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions, as well as the ability to recognize, understand and influence the emotions of others. People with a high IQ do not necessarily have a high EI, and it can be argued that having a high EI is more important when determining one’s success in life. Luckily, we can increase our EI, and we can start our children off on the right foot by developing their EI skills, too. Here are some ways you can help your child develop a high Emotional Intelligence.

1. Help them learn to label emotions and understand that they can feel multiple ones simultaneously.

Starting from when they were babies, we teach our children the basic emotions of happy, sad, mad and scared. At school, they might be asked to point to a face on a poster to express how they feel. But there are so many other emotions that fall in between. You can feel both happy and nervous, sad and mad, or a plethora of other mixed feelings all at once. This makes it harder to control different emotions, but it is important to recognize those feelings in order to address them.

2. Recognize the overall mood in different locations, and try to determine what may be the cause of that overall mood.

Every place you visit – from schools to grocery stores to home – tend to have a “vibe” about them, a general feeling that settles over the place and affects everyone’s mood. The old adage of “if Mom isn’t happy, no one is happy,” expresses it perfectly. If you notice you are someplace that is particularly joyous, melancholy, or fearful, point it out and talk about it with your child. Perhaps it is joyous because you are in a park with many happy children, or melancholy because you are in a hospital where there are many sick people, or angry because you are at home with an unhappy sibling who isn’t letting anyone relax. Brainstorm with your child about different ways that he or she can choose a mood when in a less-than-happy place.

3. Help your child be aware of stressful feelings and talk about how to deal with them.

When we are stressed, it is even harder for us to control our emotions. If we are able to recognize stress as it is happening and do things to relax, we will be in a better position to handle whatever is causing stress. Start by helping your child recognize the warning signs, such as tense muscles, headaches, butterflies in the belly, or feeling tired. Then, find a few different things to help calm them down, such as journaling, breathing exercises, listening to music, talking to someone, or taking a quick walk. Offer suggestions on what you do to calm down, relax and de-stress.

4. Teach your child to communicate feelings clearly and appropriately.

The best way to do this is to model the behavior that you want them to exhibit. When you have reached your limit and just want to scream and yell, use that as an opportunity to simply say, “I am very angry and frustrated right now, and I am close to yelling at you. So I am going to go to my room and calm down before we talk so I can express myself correctly.”

5. After arguments or issues, allow emotions to settle and then role-play how things could have been done differently.

When your child is angry, upset, emotional, or frustrated, it is not the time to attempt a rational discussion. Allow your child to get centered and calm again (by suggesting a technique you have come up with together), and then revisit what happened. Think about how it could have been handled differently. Talk about what the outcomes of different scenarios may have been to illustrate the effects of their actions and words.

6. Read and discuss emotionally charged books and movies.

Losing yourself in a good book or movie is amazing. Sometimes you begin to feel the emotions that the characters are experiencing, and books and movies like Wonder or Marley and Me open up great discussions. You can ask your child how she or he thinks the characters felt during the story, and if there was ever a time they felt that way, too. Continue the discussion by asking how they would manage those big emotions.

7. Take time to discuss school issues with your child.

One of the best ways to deal with emotions is to talk to someone about them. This is true for both adults and children. If someone feels like you aren’t really interested in what they are saying, they will stop talking. Put down your phone, get rid of distractions, and give your child your undivided attention when they discuss what may be happening at school. Instead of offering solutions right away, have your child think of possibilities, and then role-play how different choices may play out.

 

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

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5 Ways You Are Squashing Your Child’s Creativity … And What To Try Instead

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By Vicki Little

There is something so amazing about a young child’s creativity and curiosity. The joyous and free way in which they look at the world around them inspires out-of-the-box solutions and stories that would make even the best children’s authors jealous. As they grow, those creative juices tend to flow less and less, and our children start to conform to what they think is expected of them. Perhaps it is our education system, perhaps it is simply the process of growing up, or perhaps it is a combination of things. As parents, we want to foster this as long as we can, but sometimes we can unknowingly sabotage our children’s creativity. Here are 5 ways you might be squashing your child’s creativity – and solutions on how to foster it instead.

1)Prohibiting messes. It can be absolutely exhausting to clean up after our creative little monsters. But many times, learning is in the process – not the final result. And that process can be messy. You may see a messy pile of feathers, glue, paint, and buttons, but they see a masterpiece fit to be framed. After a while, we find ourselves telling our kids they can only use one or two craft items, or we avoid letting them paint because we don’t want to deal with the mess.

Get Creative: Let your child get as messy as he or she wants, but make sure your child helps you clean up. Teach your child how to do it correctly so you aren’t tempted to just do it by yourself. This way, you are teaching responsibility while fostering their creativity. Keep old sheets and shower curtains on hand to help with quick clean-up, and try to find time to allow your child to explore their creativity outside, where the mess won’t be so bothersome.

2) Scheduling too many activities. It is easy to allow your family to get bogged down with activities. Everyone wants to try different things, and there are so many options that will help them later in life. But too many activities can be detrimental, as there is simply no time to let children just play and use their imaginations.

Get Creative: If scheduling is what makes your family work, schedule a block of time each day for free time. Arts and crafts, music, playing outside … anything that doesn’t involve screens or organized activities. Start collecting a bin of random art supplies for your artsy kiddo, find multiple instruments for your musical child to tinker around with, and sharpen some pencils with a new notebook for the writer in your family. Then let them simply create.

3) Offering too many suggestions. There is a thin line between guiding our children and thinking for them. It is easy to do. You are interested in your child, and as you look over their shoulder at a drawing of the ocean, you suggest they color their sand brown instead of purple and add some buckets and starfish. Or you gently tell your child to play the song like they are supposed to instead of adding their own flair. Or you help your little thespian by telling him that their particular character does not have a British accent. When they are stuck on a problem, you tell them what to do, instead of encouraging creativity. It is easy to do because it is part of being a parent. But when it comes to being creative, these suggestions box them in and keep them from exploring.

Get Creative: As hard as it may be, offer less and encourage more. If they ask what you think they should draw, tell them you want to be surprised. When you see that they have a horse swimming in their ocean, simply praise how creative it is to see an actual “seahorse.” When their “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” sounds more like a rap song, dance along with it. When they are stuck, ask how they think they can fix whatever they are stuck on. Encourage them to think outside the box instead of showing them how to do things. It will be amazing for their creativity.

4) Sticking to your plan. You spend a lot of time finding things to do with your family and planning the perfect day. Sometimes those plans go on without a hitch. But sometimes everything seems to be getting in the way, and it feels almost impossible to accomplish what you planned. But you are so determined to accomplish the plans you had, by the time you get home, you wish you hadn’t bothered.

Get Creative: Be flexible. Ask your kids what they think you should do instead. You wanted a perfect picnic, but it started raining? Your child’s suggestion of sitting in the back of the car may sound silly, but it may end up being more fun than you imagined. You may really want your child to see the new exhibit at the museum, but he just wants to go to the space exhibit. Your child will most likely learn more there anyway because he is excited about it.

5) You keep them from being bored. In today’s busy world, we try to keep our children busy at all times, and when they aren’t, we tend to let them play on electronics to keep them from getting bored (and potentially bugging us or causing trouble!). The problem with this is that they never figure out how to occupy themselves. They never have time to just sit and think – or create.

Get Creative: Your kids are bored? Great! Don’t offer suggestions or jump up to occupy them, but instead simply tell them to find something to do. We used to do it, so they can, too. My kids have done the coolest things as a result of being bored and me ignoring their pleas. My son even created one of our family’s favorite card games when he was bored once. Let them figure it out. Their creativity may surprise you!

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

 

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8 Ways To Stay Connected With Your Teen

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By Vicki Little

When children are young, their need for us can sometimes feel overwhelming. We constantly hear, “Mom, watch. Look, Mom! Hey, Mom!” As they grow older, our clingy little sidekicks start moving away from us, declaring their need for independence and privacy. That’s when we find ourselves wanting to say, “Hey child, watch! Look at me, kid! Hey kid!” Staying involved in our teenager’s lives requires more subtlety and patience than that, but those moments when we truly connect are so worth it. Here are some ways to stay connected:

1)Respect their need for space and privacy. The closed doors may hurt our hearts a bit, but it is normal for teenagers to want their own space. There are plenty of reasons for it, including the fact that they are dealing with all sorts of new feelings and thoughts. Sometimes they just need to get away from EVERYONE for a bit. Allow your teen to have the space he or she desperately needs at this time.

2) Be available when they are willing. Those moments when they snuggle up to you on the couch or wander into the kitchen to talk while you are cooking may be few and far between, so be available for them when this happens. Put your phone down. Invite them to help you chop the vegetables. Turn the TV to what they want to watch – anything it takes to keep them engaged for as long as possible. Keep in mind that it is often easier for our teens to talk to us when it isn’t necessarily face-to-face, such as in the car or on a walk. Take advantage of these moments to talk, if they want – or sit comfortably in silence when they don’t. Even if you aren’t talking every second, you are connecting when you are together.

3) Welcome their friends. You aren’t going to like all of their friends, but having them in your house means they are closer to you and staying out of trouble. Make your home welcoming with plenty of snacks. Offer a place where they can hang out without younger siblings and adults interfering, and be friendly and non-judgemental when their friends actually talk to you. Don’t talk badly about their friends, either. They are likely to stand up for a friend and step away from you.

4) Do what they enjoy, even if you hate it. If they are willing to share something they enjoy with you, jump on it! You will have plenty of time to do whatever it is that you like after they leave the house. Ask them questions and show genuine interest in trying to understand what they like about their favorite hobby or past time.

5) Listen without judgment and offer advice sparingly. Try to sit silently and truly listen to what they are saying. Ask open-ended questions to keep them talking. Remember to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and even slower to get angry (or judgemental). Don’t try to fix everything they are upset or complaining about, sometimes they just want to vent. Saying things such as, “I can see how that would upset you” will make them more likely to talk to you as opposed to, “Well, I never did like that Jessica girl anyway. You should stay away from her.” If they are upset about a bad grade and complaining how unfair their teacher is, bite your tongue to avoid saying, “Well, I told you to start that assignment earlier.” Simply say that hopefully, they can make up the grade next time. They learned a lesson – the grade isn’t going to change whether you comment about it or not. And they are well aware that you do not approve – no need to say it out loud. Be on their side.

6) Choose your battles. You can’t stand their music. They eat way too much junk food. Their hair is constantly in their face, and you are pretty sure they always get home five minutes past curfew, just to make you angry. All of those things will change with time, and they certainly don’t define whether your child is a kind and good person. Try to look the other way during these little annoyances, and save your arguments and consequences for the things that will truly affect them and their future – like bad choices related to drugs, alcohol, or the way they treat family and adults in their lives. If you see a significant decline in their grades or behavior, definitely step in. But if they are generally a good student but go to a party instead of finish an assignment – then receive a failing grade because of it, the only thing getting mad will do is cause a fight. Let the natural consequences do your parenting job when possible.

7) Create your “thing.” You used to love saying, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite,” when you tucked your sweet kiddo into bed, but now you are lucky if your teen even says, “goodnight.” Little rituals that we had when they were kids now embarrass them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have sweet traditions with our teens. Handing them a cup of warm milk laced with a bit of coffee when they get up, writing nice messages on their bathroom mirror, tucking a note into their car’s sun visor, or sending a “thinking of you” text can become something your child looks forward to each day. These small gestures let them know you care – and help them still feel protected and loved.

8) Show up. I saved the best – and most important – for last. Show up. Attend their functions. Talk to their teachers. Meet their friends’ parents. Ask questions about their day. Eat dinner with them. Make a big deal of their birthday. Send them off on their first day of school. Show up. Be there for them – when they want to sit silently, when they need to talk, when they make a mistake, when they have a game or competition they claim is no big deal, when they are sad and just want to cry, when they are mad and just want to yell, on their first day of high school and their last – and all the times in between. Show up. Watch them from afar in their moments of triumph, hold their hand during their moments of fear or pain, and pick them up when they fall. Just….show….up.

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

 

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5 Steps To Prepare Yourself For When Your Kids Leave For College

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By Vicki Little

Once we have children, some of the biggest moments of our lives are actually the biggest moments of their lives. All of their milestones become our proudest moments. Those big turning points – such as graduating from high school and leaving for college – change our lives just as much as theirs. But when they head off on their great adventures, many parents are left with a hole in their heart that echoes in the empty room their children left behind. Empty-nest syndrome is a real thing, but there are things parents can do to alleviate the sadness that’s caused by this change.

  1. Ease your mind by making sure your child is prepared. It will help ease those long, worrisome nights if you know that your child is safe and has everything he or she needs.
    • Take advantage of the school’s family orientation weekends and spend time exploring the campus and meeting your child’s resident advisors and roommate.
    • Make a packet of important information, including insurance cards and policies (car and health), bank account information, health records, and a copy of their birth certificate.
    • Help them research and set up a safety device that works for them, such as an app to check in with family and friends, pepper spray, a sound alarm, or anything else they need to feel safe. Check out On Watch On Campus, Circle of 6, and BSafe. 
    • Have those talks you feel are important: about sex and dating, safety, drinking, and above all – no matter what, you will be there when needed. You are only a phone call away.
  2. Spend quality time with your child before he or she leaves. Most likely your college-bound child will be relishing a newfound freedom from high school. He or she will want to spend time with friends, too, before heading off to college. But what matters most is the quality – not quantity – of time you spend together. Make amazing memories: Go on a trip, mark something off your bucket list, or try something new together. When you are together, unplug and give your child undivided attention. Be understanding if plans need to be rescheduled. There is a lot happening right now. Schedule time with your child, but be flexible, and see this as your time to finally hang out as more of a friend than a parent. You have done a great job raising your child – now take time to celebrate.
  3. Make a list of things you want to do, or need to get done. You have spent the past 18 years taking care of your family, and now you will finally have time to do the things you have always wanted to do. If you don’t fill your time with things you want or need to do, the hours can seem endless and lonely. So before your child leaves, make a plan for yourself so you will have plenty to keep yourself occupied. It doesn’t just need to be a checklist of errands that can be finished in a day. Think big! Is there a class you have always wanted to take or a group you have always wanted to join? Have you thought about redecorating the basement but never had the time? Put it all on the list!
  4. Talk with other people that are in your stage of life. You are certainly not alone in how you are feeling, so reach out to others and help one another through this time. You can start by scheduling a coffee with the parents of your child’s friends to get together after they leave. Or join a group at your church or synagogue or at your local library or rec center that have similar interests as you. The point is to find other people to support and talk with so you can form more relationships during this next chapter in your life.
  5. Redefine yourself. According to Guy Winch, Ph.D., the best thing to do is redefine yourself from the large role of parent and caregiver. Make a list of the different roles you play, and then see which ones you can expand on and spend more time in. He offers the examples of re-igniting your relationship with your spouse or jumping back into the dating pool. If you have been thinking of going back to school, now would be the perfect time to do that. Try to start doing these things before your child leaves so it won’t feel so awkward when you are missing them so much.

 

Vicki Little is a preschool teacher with two children. A Colorado native, she spends her time writing, sitting in the bleachers for her daughter’s gymnastics, and engaging in spirited debates with her son. In her free time…well, she is still waiting for some of that.

 

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